If there was any tiny little sliver of doubt in my mind that she was the one for me, that doubt has been shattered.

These past two days have given me a glimpse of life without her. It's a life that I'm not interested in living.

When I wake up in the morning in my empty bed I don't feel those bolts of excitement and happiness. I don't feel that bristling energy that pulls me out of bed, into the shower, and into my car. I feel nothing.

It was bad today because I didn't think I would be able to talk to her. But I did, and I'm feeling a little better.

It's just that all of the incredible feelings that wash over me when she's around are completely across the country right now, and I'm having a hard time dealing with it.

When she's around I practically float from place to place. I've got this stupid smile constantly plastered on my face. I feel like I could face the world and come out unscathed.

I just feel sort of alone right now.

Thank god for the books she gave me. They're like a tranquilizer. They keep me calm and complacent when I'm reading them. But I can't read ALL of the time. Those slivers of day where reading is impossible; when I'm driving, when I'm just getting to work, when I'm at the paper, those are misery. Because my thoughts catch up to me.

What if she gets hurt? What if something happens way out there? Does she miss me as much as I miss her? Is she thinking about me?

Ugh.. I've got to go read....

Please come back to me in one piece. I won't be able to live without you.